Remembering My Friend Dave

I lost a dear friend this past week.  Dave checked into the hospital complaining about a headache and died within 6 days from a brain aneurism.  I didn’t even know he was ill and I will miss him deeply.

I first met Dave over 40 years ago in the late 60s.  He was an American, a conscientious objector to the Vietnam War who fled to Canada to avoid the Selective Service Draft.  Back then it was mandatory for all males between the ages of 18 and 21 to serve two years in the armed services.  Because of his conviction and because of the fact that almost every draftee ended up in Vietnam,  Dave refused to be drafted and was subject to arrest if he remained in the USA.  He was what we referred to in those days as a “draft dodger”.

I recall how difficult he said it was for him to leave his family, his friends, his homeland and be declared a criminal by the USA Justice Department.  He wasn’t alone.   Hundreds of like-minded young men came to Canada for the same reason.

Although Dave was eventually granted amnesty during the Reagan administration, he remained in Canada and became quite prominent in the media industry in Toronto.  He attended Ryerson University and obtained a degree in Media Studies and started working for a newspaper chain in Toronto.  Most recently he was a producer for a local television station.

Being a “draft dodger” wasn’t the only issue Dave had to deal with in his life.  He was also a homosexual.

Dave always claimed that he didn’t choose to be “gay” and that his feelings were inherent from birth.  He had no choice, he said.  Over the years we had many discussions (even arguments) about his sexual orientation.  Dave was a well spoken and intelligent man.  He was a charmer and quite witty, often making fun about his homosexuality.  It was, he claimed, the best way for him to handle what he knew was an uncomfortable situation for others.

Although he was not a so-called “closet” gay person and openly revealed his orientation, Dave was not supportive of the gay rights movement.  He felt being homosexual was not something he should be proud of or ashamed of.  It simply existed.  He did not support many of the gay rights issues, was embarrassed by gay pride parades and opposed to “gay marriage”.   In fact, Dave felt gay activity was not proper.  As a consequence, Dave never had a partner to share his life with.  He adhered to celebracy his whole life.

What a difficult decision that must have been.  What a personal sacrifice to stand up for what you feel is right.
No lifemate – but more friends than most people could ever hope to have.

In the early 80s Dave became a “born again” Christian and surrendered his life and his sexuality to his Lord.  It was the most powerful source of strength that enabled him to be both a homosexual and a Christian.  He never wavered from his believe that his sexual orientation was inherent and he never wavered from his walk with Jesus.

Dave, a former draft dodger, a homosexual – and one whom I was honoured to call my friend.